Midnite in a Perfect World

A pit stop in the mind of a 30 something black man in the city.

"If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present"

Lao Tzu

balance.

My favorite married person and I were chatting about my love (or lack thereof) life. And of course there are a litany of excuses but the bottom line is: I don’t want a relationship as much as I should? Meaning, you need to put effort and work in finding a suitable “mate”. Awesome, but if you are actively learning and pursuing your own business and creative interests, that leaves little time for “hunting”. Looking for a girlfriend can be a part or full time job and if you aren’t really actively putting out that energy then don’t be surprised if you are alone. Although, I am ok with being alone. But that balance is needed. Man was not meant to be alone! And true, I don’t see as many live boobies as I would like but if I couple that with learning and personal growth, that’s good right? Right? Right.

"How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live."

Henry David Thoreau

change.

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I have to admit, as much as I enjoy stability, I do enjoy the chaos. I think it’s more because it forces me to think fast! Keeps me on my toes! Shows me what I am made of in times of adversity. Sure, I get the quick bout of the “woe is me!” feeling but I don’t hide from that and instead keep it as a sign I need to figure out the next move. It’s fun coming up with different plans, scenarios and options once a curve ball get’s thrown into your “plans.” Also, having 2-3 back up plans at all times really shows if you are prepared for anything or are you just kidding yourself. It sucks but that feeling is over in a few days and then my brain is on full on let’s make this situation better. Naturally, I look at the leading up to the change as well as the outcome from it with a positive and negative view point. I think I have to. Being mad or sad doesn’t change a damn thing. It’s either shrink and die or grow and survive.

So, as always, I tip my hat to change, you got me again! I will pick myself up, dust off a bit, smile, and keep it moving. On to the next adventure!

relationship style.

A relationship style is how one views how a relationship should be. It’s interesting because people have drastically different views of what a relationship is and isn’t. Those’s differences are what cause most arguments as either side clearly believes they are in the right. It’s fascinating to see people that have similar styles of relationship thinking thus their relationship “works.” Or ones that are polar opposite and have issues.

What do I mean about that? Well, consider one person who believes being in a relationship with some means you are all about your partner. Forget friends, family or out side things it’s you and your partner in lock step. You are each others worlds. You spend all time and effort with them experiencing life together at the same time. Often combing their names ala celebs to show their “oneness” Awesome. This is the “you complete me” crowd. This can lead to some interesting things as your partner defines your identity and it’s hard to see where you begin and they end. Kind of dangerous. In a way it seems they are really selfless but in reality they are selfish as they expect to be part of EVERYTHING their mate does regardless of relevance.

There’s the other set who believe having a partner is what you do to fill the down time of everything else you are doing: work, school, personal projects etc. You can go a whole week without seeing them and you’d be ok. Partly because said person ADDS to your world and not necessarily IS your world. This seems to be the new trend as people are less committal but still battle loneliness so something is better than nothing. Those who care the least hold the most power this lot believes. Bury yourself in work or art to fill the time. This set is pretty selfish for the reason that they invest just as much time in to their craft or art as others invest in a relationship. Commonly, viewed as selfish from the outside.
And the last set. The “I’d actually be friends with mate even if we weren’t seeing each other naked.” This set is cool to watch interactive because they are genuinely friends. Of course they are lovers as well but as a friend, they respect each others space and alone time. The sense when one’s stress and needs to decompress. Whether it is alone time or it’s hanging with other friends. They also tend to have a better sense of self. The know they are messes and are actively seeking to improve and overcome those fears. They’re partner understands and values that but also accepts.

What is the point of this rant? Not much besides writing what’s on my mind and the observations I’ve seen. Moreover, I think it was to figure out what my own relationship style is.

vacation.

Took a vacation for the first time in over 2 years. It was for a week in So. California. Got some sun, walked along the beach, and truly relaxed. (I also went to Coachella but that’s a story best told in person.) A friend and I stayed with LB which was good and bad. Good because I smashed but bad because I smashed. Totally not worth it and the repercussions are it just further leases the door open down the road. And I really have no intentions to develop anything further than nakedness. Which even now is getting annoying.

The vacation also disrupted things with two new players in the Game: Aussie and 23. Both have my m.o. traits that I look for in women. Both are younger; 28 and uh, 23, lol. Both are fresh to the city so still naive enough to enjoy the newness of it all but cynical enough to not really know wtf they want to do with it. Both are smart, witty, and sort of a mess. Story’s to follow I am sure. The vacation reminded me that I miss traveling and really have no excuse as to why I haven’t been besides laziness. Coming up on my 10th year in this city and I am reminded that it’s pretty fresh but theres also a lot out there to see. The Anti-Lazy plan begins!

Build Your Team

lifestyleoftheunemployed:

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About a week ago I was having drinks with a buddy of mine. After a few, we got onto the topic of friendships. For years, I’ve been hearing that I should always be increasing the quality of my friends. But personally I believe that leads to a pretty shallow life. Friendship is about loyalty and…

"Man is the only creature who refuses to be what he is."

Albert Camus, The Rebel (via deaths-and-entrances)

style.

A good friend made a fashion style commitment to strip down his look: white shirt, black tie, and trousers. Keeping it simple. That wasn’t the cool part, the cool part was the decision to do it. I love style, it’s not a bow tie or a fancy socks or accessories or tilting your hat a certain way or the shoes your wear or even the pants you wear. Style is the personal choice of being you. Once you choose that, rock that, and keep it movin’. You can’t “think” you have style, you have to KNOW you have style. The majority of fashion designers actually have a certain uniform they rock all the time. Multiple pairs of the same shoes, multiple versions of the same shirt, one clean jacket, one crisp pair of jeans. A personal uniform that everyone sees, knows, and almost expects. That’s pretty fresh, keeps things simple in the morning.

I still enjoy my different types of shirts and ties but I see and receive the message. What’s your uniform? And stop being lazy. lol